The Depth

Going back through my archives, it's been interesting to see the different way's I've tried blogging.

There have been random days. Cliché days. Weird days. Story days. And God days.

After each of them, I have discovered my heart has a different reaction.

Actually, I don't know if I want to use that term. "My heart". It is so hollywoodized... It means so many different things. What I am trying to say is not the feel-good-sensory inside of me. It's not the thing that loves or hates. It's the part of me that feels conviction, rejoices, weeps, and forms opinions. That could be my soul. Or my mind too. There is no way to say exactly what it is.

I'm going to call it my Guard.

After posting something at random, I feel stressed. Did people like it? Was it stupid? Purposeless?

Ok, strike questions 2 and 3...

When I post cliché or weird, I am nervous. WHY did I do that? Everybody does that! Who's going to care about this? I just humiliated myself.

Story days tend to bore me. My own writing. My own tales... I'm creative. But unoriginal. Is that possible? I can tell a story. But not in a way to make people laugh. Not with the spark of life necessary to build a punch line.

The only time I can think of my Guard feeling satisfied when I click that "publish" button is God days. When I share what is going on inside me. What is building my faith and teaching me life lessons.

I've been re-surrendering things to God this week. Over the past month, I'd been trying to run things. "Trying" is the right expression. Talk about out of control! It was time to start afresh.

So I gave it all up again.

Funny how we have to do this over and over and over...

"For God has consigned all to disobedience, that he may have mercy on all."

Romans 11:32

Over and over and over again I struggle with my sin. With how I can't beat it. Can't make it go away for good.

And believe it or not, my comfort is in the fact that I can't! Because that sin, those trials, suffering, all of it, forces me on my knees. Makes me go to Him. Pour out my cares.

There is a very old song, one that my mum would sing to me when I was no more the 2 or 3. Cast All Your Cares on Him. I love this song. I still sing it all the time, to remind me that when things are too much, He is there and He wants me to dump them at His feet!

It feels good to get on the right page again. Even if it's stained. I know I'm going to fall again. But that's not depressing. Because I know new lessons are between me and that new page. New opportunities and experiences and blessings and lessons.

I guess I'm not saying I'm only going to post God things. I would love to do that. But I relish the life He gave me too. Instead, I just want to bring Him glory, instead of try to bring the attention to me. Or a worldly pursuit.

"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways.

'For who has known the mind of the Lord, 

or who has been his counselor?'

'Or who has given a gift to him 

that He might be repaid?'

For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen."

 

 

how to make your sister your BEST friend

#1: kick her bottom.

#2: concoct evil tortures and silently laugh to yourself as she falls into your pit

#3: write a novel

#4: let her read it - unedited

#5: feed her candy

#6: have wacko text conversations about bumblebees and ants

#7: take long walks down gravel road talking about life

#8: give her space on your laptop for her own files

#9: make her read books you like

#10: let her sit on your bed...all day long...and night long...

#11: stick your tongue out at her regularly

#12: be her happy and very musical chauffeur

#13: tell her no when she asks if she looks alright

#14: fix it

#15: give her advice and then tell her not to follow it

#16: let her wear your clothes

#17: let her fix your already perfect spelling

#18: pinch her - regularly

#19: let her see you cry {on that rare almost never pertinent catastrophe}

#20: let her text her friends on your phone



#'s 1 - 20 applicable to all sibling relationships


If you already do #'s 1 - 20 and your sister is STILL not your bff, I suggest you check your attitude. Bite your lip after she leaves and kill characters in your book. Instead of her.

Your parents will also appreciate this.

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

From Brisa: Caitria is  my best friend.

I don't write well so bear with me.

When you are sisters there is a natural feeling that you can be mean and annoying to each other and get away with it. No. You . Never. Can. You . Are. Sisters!!

Here is a letter I found on her computer from way back then. I don't think it's weird to share it with you 'cause she's just so wonderful I want someone to know!! btw, I didn't edit it at all so don't judge the typos and grammar...

 

Dear Caitria,

How are you? I’m fine. I know you are busy with your work at the Wright’s and at home, and with your books. And I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to play the piano for me for Bel Canto and Concert Choir, as well as including me in the work on your book. You don’t know what it means to me. Last year when I first read your book and was captivated by it I didn’t expect you to be so willing to let me help you with it. I really appreciated, and appreciate it. That time I was going through was rough ‘cause I was struggling to make friends because I was so painfully shy. You became my best friend and writing on your book my favorite activity. And now even though I have mostly gotten over my shyness you haven’t dropped me. You still let me join in the fun, even when it is sometimes plain you would rather I left you alone. I thank God for the wonderful relationship you and I have. I love spending time with you because I know we will hardly ever fight, and you are always open to my ideas and critique’s. I can’t remember the last time we had an argument, and I know that’s not on the part of me never being in a bad mood or not wanting to do what you did. We have learned how to please each other and get along almost perfectly. I love sitting by you on the bed and reading and writing with you. I hope we have many more good memories together as we finish your book! Lots of Love, Brisa Janie

P.S I am Sooooo excited about The Last Scribe! Check out the “Ideas for the last scribe” sheet on your desktop!

P.P.S I also want to read that book your friend Cait wrote!

 

Now, I can say she has done every one of those #20 things above. She is my best friend and I will never forget that God gave her to me twice. Once when he put me in this family, second when I needed a best friend.

 

Who is your best friend?

P.S. When your sister kicks you. Laugh, and kick her harder. It strengthens your relationship. And your muscles.

 

 



 

 

Caitria: Well, I don't know what to say. She didn't let me sit here while she wrote that. Let me just say, I have the BEST little sister in the world. Wow. This started out as a joke. But it ended awesome. I love my sis!!!!

 

 



So Much More

Life is tricky. There is something mysterious about it. Something that intrigues me. Captivates me. Scares me.

There is so much that could happen to me. There are so many things I long to do.

I wish people would just understand. The world is so beautiful. And yet the world seems to seek out the darkness.

 

 

 

 

 

I believe it is a good day. It is sunny for the first time in forever. And warm. I am going to go walking with my sis.

 

Love is in my heart and hope is real to me. I know there is a plan for every move I make. Every step I take...

 

God is good.

 

Don't forget that. He is there. He cares.

 

=)

 

 





Time...

Eeeek! I feel like I have no time anymore. I know, here I am writing out a blog post. But I feel like my insides are jumping out screaming at me for taking a moment to do it. I have so much to do. My job takes up half my day now {really a good thing! I LOVE my job} and then I have home chores and my book and MY business and friends to email and books to read and piano to practice and ...oh ... the list goes on and on and on.

Ok, you really did not want to know about all of that.

We finally have some sunshine. It is not warm, mind you, but it is sun. It makes me happy because it hints of warm days to come, when I can run and spend hours outside. I like to read outside. It is really pretty, with the sun beaming down on me and birds singing in the sky and trees gently blowing in the breeze.... yeah, I like to read outside.

I am excited because we are going to have a bunch of friends out to our house in a couple weekends and it is going to be super uber awesome. We are going to play volleyball and hang out and just have fun.


God asks a lot from us. He asks us to trust Him, to love Him, to obey Him. But He has done so much for us, I don't know how I could not want to do these things. I want to please Him with my whole heart. Sometimes I struggle with knowing how to do His will. What choices do I make that are actually from Him? Do I live my life the way He wants me to? Each moment is an opportunity to love and glorify Him through my life. Do I take them? I don't know. I ponder so much in my heart. Life is a beautiful thing. There are so many ways to live. But somehow, the one that will mean the most to us is tucked inside His hand. I want to have that one.



Sometimes I feel like I have a pretty bland, repetitive personality.

And I wonder what I am like to other people. That's kind of a strange thought, isn't it. Have you ever wondered how other people see you? LOL! Actually, that thought makes me laugh.

I like people with great personalities. They are pretty awesome. All my friends have incredible personalities!!

Enough of this rambling, I have things to do. Have a great day, my dears!

Can it be?

Three words.

 

I love you.

 

They can be said in so many ways. They can be meant in so many forms. But at their deepest, they mean selfless surrender. They are meant for you.

 

I surrender.

 

 

 

 

 I love you.