In my wildest dreams....

...I would never be doing this. But, since this is reality, not my dreamland, I suppose I shall.

I have let few friends read my book, let alone given it over to a public page where anyone and their dog can find it. (I don't expect the dog will make much of it, but you never know.)

These excerpts are all from my current novel. It is historical fiction, set in Ancient Rome. I began it when I was 13 years old. I had NOOOOOOO idea what I was getting into that first day I sat down at the computer excited and hyper. The book is over 600 pages long and completed. Now I am just editing it. And it is unnamed. :P

Well, the complete story would be it has had tooooooooooooo many names. But none of them fit, and I would rather wait and find an absolutely thrilling title than settle for something less than imaginative just becauce I wanted to put something down.

Eventually, I plan to turn it into a trilogy, becuase 600 computer pages actually totals 1200 novel pages. Still, that doesn't help the naming thing any...


I want to write a book that will consume you mind and soul. Only then will it have accomplished its purpose.


So far.... I don't think I have reached that goal, and I am on edit 22. :P


Here we go:

"Save me, save me!"
The cries sounded airy and incomplete in Merrie's thoughts, as though they came from some far and distand land.
A black fog settled in her mind, distorting the images impressed upon her memory: the bleak ground, unplowed; a lonesome fig tree, waving its branches despondently; the mud-brick barn, silhouetted again the horizon as one solid refuge. Figure moved in and out of the hazy picture, fusing indistiguishably with the outer shadows.




Ó Pure Grace

She had to remember who the enemy in this was. It was not Aelia, not Marcellus, not Icilius, not even Rome. It was herself. Ionez, the girl who would not forget.

Ó Pure Grace

What dignity? Merrie thought with faint bitter causticity. Have I a chance where I might show it?
The silence continued. Claudia waited, her eyes suddenly traveling over Merrie in the old way–scornful, detached–as thought she were a stranger, a statue, an irritating fly to be shooed away. Merrie stood, sick, dry mouthed and burning all over. Everything had falledn away from her at once. Her home, her preace, her secutity... Julia's treachery, with which she had been flirting for too long, had finally caught her and its sentence was complete, its grip inescapable.

Ó Pure Grace

Marcellus gasped and staggered again the chariot, dropping the whip to the gournd. "What have I done!" he burst out.

Ó Pure Grace

"Oh, Cyrus, Cyrus," she wailed. She turned her head back and watched as the billowing smoke poured into the dark sky. The red-orange flames flickered and crackled into hightening obscurity.

Ó Pure Grace

"I won't do it," she flared. "I won't."
"She  will learn it," Marcellus swliced through her vehemence, his tone leaving no doubt in her mind. "If she doesn't, well, you may as well cut out that wild tongue of hers. And that, I may add, would be–regrettable. Athena! I would almost miss those scathing, venomous words. You may go now."

Ó Pure Grace

Ok. Now we'll see how long it takes me to regret that.... :D

The Hunger Games

So I have done it.

Read all three novels in the Hunger Games Series.

I know that any further statement by me is about to generate either immediate condemnation or commendation (tricky how words can be, isn't it).

So, let me be clear.

My opinion is just that. MY opinion.

Further elucidation: you do not need to care what my opinion is.

Perhaps I should explain why I am so keen on this point. I have come to the understanding that I am a bit two-faced at times. I am a people pleaser. There is nothing I can do about that. It is who I am. But because of that, I often double-track, tone down my honest opinion, and end up making myself sound like a fool with no real opinion and a fluke who just minces along as merrily as I can.

FALSE.

Point 1: I have an inherent desire for all people to think well of me. I do not want them to think I disagree with them on most things. That does not matter. Every person is different. We will all hold different views. From now on, I will state an opinion because it is mine. Because it belongs to me. Because I want it as my own. Not because someone else found enjoyment in expressing it and I mimicked until someone else disagreed. Yes, that was me. No more.

Let's just say I have been doing some soul searching.

Point 2: I really hate to disappoint people. Period. I know why. You may not. But it's enough to say I have good reason. Still, that is yet another part of life that I must learn to not get myself in a frazzle about. You see, disappointment is training ground. It is where you learn to do better. Or to not care about things of lesser importance.

Point 3: I CARE way too much. About everything. And everyone. Perhaps this is not bad. In a way. But it is crushing when they do not care back. And so I must learn to not set my heart on them so much. My anchor is in the one whom cares for me and loves me so unconditionally I will never have to question His purpose or truth.

Point 4: I am a selfish being with measly little motives for almost everything I do. Forgive me? I am praying to be over this. To be honest, almost every post I make on Facebook, almost every blog I do on here, was directed to, aimed at, or intended for a specific person (not always the same person), not myself. Almost. Some are mine, simply because they would mean nothing anyway. That said, I am done with that too. I will write what I want to write and say what I want to say...because it is GOD directing my pen, not man.

Point 5: Pray for me. A lot. Because I need it. I know God has His hands full with me. From day one, I was not normal. I refused to behave like other baby's. And that never changed, although outwardly I pretend to be like other people. That too I will now alter. I am going to be me. The REAL me. Who has been hiding for almost seven years. I don't expect it to be easy. I don't expect everyone to like her. But I think I am okay with that now. And that is the way it should be.

So there. I am done now.

That out of the way, I will go on.

The Hunger Games.

A tale of misery, of machinations, of miracles, of music, of missiles, and of mutts. (I like M's.)

A tale of fire, spirit, tyranny, war, espionage, and trust.

A tale where one girl unwittingly takes on an Empire. And wins.

The hard way.

So here are my thoughts.

CONS:
This book has children fighting one another...to the death. There is no mercy. There is no second chance. That is the cold, bloody truth. And it's awful.
There is a quality of deception about Katniss (the main character) that infuriates. It is clinched in the final book when she agrees to the last Hunger Games. I do not want to give anything away, so I will say no more. But that was not cool. To me.
There is enough kissing between unmarried young people to make you gag. But I suppose you can put up with that if you must. Love makes a good story. It always does, if done right.
Katniss has absolutely no morals. Specifically at the closing of the trilogy. She does everything she does for one person alone: herself. Rescuing Prim is one of (one of) the only things she does for another person on her own initiative. And she often chooses to purposefully hurt people with her words. To punish them. To teach them. To manipulate them. To twist them to her own purpose. To win the game (with Haymitch).
It is not a book for the weak of stomach. There is blood and there is gore. No more than you will see on the screen at home watching The Kingdom of Heaven or The Last Legion. But it is there. And used to make you angry and disgusted at the Capitol.
Life is absolutely cheap, both to the Capitol and Katniss. So long as it is not her own beloved ones (Katniss's beloved ones, not the Capitol's).
I was just ready for her to choose who she was going to spend the rest of her life with. You can't love both Gale and Peeta. Impossible. So stop making it happen. THAT was unrealistic. And a little gross.

PROS:
The purpose of the children fighting one another is to declare just how totalitarian, just how oppressive, just how tyrannical, the Capitol, the ruling government, is. They want you to see how perverted and repulsive they are. The writer did a masterful job at this. You hate the Capitol.
There is no hiding how unjust that government is. And it is very clear how to control the people who support it. Panem et Circenses (literally meaning bread and circuses). Those two things form the well-being of a population and is thus a very strong political tactic. It has worked in countless occasions: Rome, Athens, Carthage, Missouri. (Forgive the history coming out of me now.) Through this stratagem, you can control the people of any country, as long as you keep it up. It is not coincidental that two years ago (before I even heard of The Hunger Games), I coined a phrase that will one day title a book: Grain and Games. Ó Pure Grace 2010
Peeta stands for all that is good and right in the world. In essence, he is the true hero of the story. Katniss herself finds this to be true. (One plus for her! LOL)
There is such a determined resolve about the book of throwing off despotic government. It is encouraging, enlightening, inspiring. It makes you despise anyone who is out to take total control. Anywhere.
There is no magic. Yes, I said it. And I meant what you are thinking now. Magic is wrong. But this world is entirely created of characters in a place that exists much like we do. So there is no magic. Good job, Suzanne Collins.
These books take you on a journey, a journey that matters. It doesn't end in the happy fairytale style of Narnia, King George and the Dragon, Lord of the Rings (well, perhaps LotR's is pretty close, but still...), Princess Bride, and countless others I can't think of at the moment (that was a lame list, wasn't it, lol!). Things have changed, unalterably. They will never be the same. And there's nothing you can do to go back. The one thing that Katniss set out to protect, the one thing her whole world is wrapped around, is destroyed. It brings you to the point where you must question. Is this right? What is happening? Why does it matter so much?

And let more be said:

On the writer's side of things: this book was real. It was one where you open the book and find yourself transported, carried off, to a land that could be very close, just around the corner, and very personal. Every word is spellbinding. Because you are there. You are Katniss. You are fighting the Capitol. You are trying to escape.

I wish I had written this book. But for a more spiritual reason. I can imagine, at the very end of the very last book, sharing the gospel of Jesus. Showing others how desperate, how needful we are of His grace and mercy, because we are such a doomed, helpless, sinful race. For, without Him, these things are an inevitable end! The torture, the need for an escape like Haymitch and Katniss, the desire to hide, the hopelessness of despair, all are what a world without Christ would be. But with Him, we have unquestionable peace and understanding. We do not have to fear. We do not have to weep. We are free. We will always be free. With Him.

And so ends my thoughts on The Hunger Games. Oh, there are more. But they can keep. I am sure I will find some brilliant tid-bit tucked neatly out of the way in my mind ten minutes after I publish this and then regret not posting it, but that is life.... :D

Did I like it? Or did I not? That you will have to deduce.

No more to say, except:

Welcome to the new, real me.

The best blog on the block

It is my dear friends Grace's.

She has JUST started, and already there is no comparison of her blog to any other I have read.

Here is her web address: http://poemsandpondering.blogspot.com/

I RECOMMEND going to her blog. Here is a sample of her VERY FIRST POST:

"BEAUTY

 

And this is my dream, my vision, my life's goal...beauty.

To capture it, to hold it in the palm, to retain and remember it, to share it. Because there is nothing, not one thing, like beauty. And we long for it, thirst for it, risk everything we have (and everything we are) for it.

Because why?

Because beauty is life; because it heals. And ever since the Fall, our crippled fragile hearts have yearned to see beauty whole and unscathed by sin and pain.

But there is still beauty. Even here, in this lost broken world.
Beauty heals and eases the ache. Like when our hearts are shattered on the floor and we turn up the music to drown out the sound of the heart's cries. Because music is beautiful and the beauty calms the raging pulse and clots the blood flowing from a broken heart."

It gets better from here.

 

So don't hesitate to journey down the path with her. She is beginning, just as we are all. She will get better, the more she learns, the more she grows, the more God teaches her. But I can guarantee, what will come from her is the inspiration of the Lord of Heaven.

 

AND:

 

I have been inspired myself to reclaim my original intent for this blog. It was not to be a flippant open page of overused idea's, but a sacred place where I could grow, share my dreams, let out my thoughts, unafraid and unadulterated.

 

I am not very creative or originally minded, but am a great mimic. But here is where that will end. I am going to only blog when I have the time and ideas to make a masterpiece. This is my resolve and you all are to hold me to it. :D

 

I was afraid such a blog would be ignored, cast aside, forgotten... but I know now that was foolish. I am seeing it done before me. Those who will want to read this blog will love it. Those who don't like it... I don't need to impress. This is for God and God alone. I will make my stand for Him. And unending thanks to Grace for helping me regain my aim and shoot at the target straight this time. It makes me embarrassed to think I waited for another to brave the sea of unknown before being willing to take the step out on the water alongside them.

 

Peace, patience, perseverance; live, love, laugh; enliven, encourage, enlighten; inspire, imagine, ignite; dream, discover, dare: this is my motto now.

 

Now, that said, it does not mean I will never post about my life, random happenings, and cool new things. They are the pieces of my puzzle. God often uses such things to change our lives. But the presentation will be different.

 

I have always been different. Why bow out now?

 

God-honoring, beautiful, motivational posts. That is what I am aspiring for now. I lost sight of that amid the excitement of the blogger world. Here we go, let's start afresh. Embark on this new adventure and beginning with me!!!!

 

 

Step by step...

The future is coming. You know, one of the best things about a busy day is you never have time to wonder wether life is at its best, because it is!!! I LOVE busy days. I have had a whole week of them, and I am heading into another!

'Tis the week of the 4th of July!!!! Hurrah!!! This is one of my favorite times of the year. EVER. We get to celebrate the independance of our beloved nation from a country that usurped, oppressed, and limited the lives of those under them. This is an important holiday, especially as we travel into the recent days of our government, which is slowly moving toward the exact tyranny our founders so thoroughly despised.

Oh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light, what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?

Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight, o'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming.

And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night, that our flag was still there.

O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave!

O'er the land of the free! And the home of the brave.

Perhaps this blog is a little premature, but I am going to post ton and tons of pic the 4th (if I can and we do something exciting) so I'm going to do it now anyway.

I love my country. LOVE it. I am so blessed to be an American. Anyone who loves history and has explored the ancient civilizations and lives here WILL appreciate how incredible our foundation truly is! The nations around the world throughout time have had some of the worst upheaval imaginable simply because of their governments. Down to the point where one nation decided on their king by a neighing horse (no joke).

I am not saying our's is perfect. But it was blessed and inspired by God.

And the thing that is best about this country....our freedom.

I am so free. Free to say my mind. Free to belong to Christ. Free to be myself. Free to be anything I want. (hmmm, maybe I don't want to be so free... :D jk)

And still, I want to explore this world, not just America. God created so much to be discovered. I have not even touched the tip of the ice berg, let alone dived beneath it! My biggest dream would be to circumnavigate the globe...by whatever means possible.

Awwwwww, dreams. They are what life is made up of. The imagination God created within us to fashion, invent, and fantasize.

 

random mumblings and too many pics

#Watching lightning from the basement window because it would be dumb to watch outside, detrimental to mother's health to watch upstairs, and unimaginable to not watch at all.

#Laughing so hard you forget why you are laughing and then laughing that you forgot.

#Living life to the fullest measure.





#Starting new adventures.

#Daydreaming about the future.

#Touching a friend on the shoulder when they are down and lifting the world to the sky.

#Thinking of a friend when I see the pic below. (No need to ask, right.)

#Wishing I could travel the world and knowing it will never happen.

#But that is where dreams come in.

#A life without music, is no life at all.

#And horses. Horses are good.

#Like, REALLY good.

#Being obsessed with music.

#Desperate for more books to read. GOOD books.

#Finding the key to unlocking the future: all in the hands of God.

#One day, it will hit you that the future will never come again and you have only the past to look to: bittersweet.

#Loving every moment as much as you can, because every moment is all you have.

#Looking up and thinking you just couldn't love life any more than you do.

#Starting out really cool and origonal and ending really lame and pathetic and not knowing how to change: so we'll leave it at that.

<3 <3 <3

Dancing below Stars

Have you ever wanted to just go outside at night and hold up your hands to the deep velvet sky, twinkling with lustrous little diamond specs and sway to the sound of the music in your head?

There are few things more beautiful than a sky full of sparkling stars.

The glory of God's creation is beyond measure. And do you know, that all these millions of beautiful orbs were described as if an afterthought in the Bible?

"God made two great lights -- the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars."

Can you believe that so little attention was paid them? Think, all these marvelous, exquisite, delightful additions to the universe... And "He made them also".

And then think of how much the Bible expounds upon the creation of man.

"Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the bids of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures the move along the ground.' So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

How much God loves us. He spent so much thought and care into creating us. Each and every one of us is dear to Him. And when we disobeyed and ignored Him, He sent HIS OWN SON to this broken and vile world, to DIE on a wooden cross, bearing the sins of EVERY person, so that we, His people, might spend eternity with Him.

The stars never disobeyed Him. They never turned their backs on Him. They never dissapointed Him, angered him, let Him down, made Him ache with sorrow. Yet it is not the stars that He goes on and on about. It is not for the stars He so carefully planned out history. It is not the stars that He laid down His life for. It is not the stars that He is preparing a place so magnicifent we cannot even IMAGINE it.

It makes me think. HARD. He could have given up on us so many times. He had absolutely NO reason to care for us. No reason to keep forgiving us and keep answering our prayers and keep searching after our wayward and wicked hearts.

Yet He did. He does.

Because He LOVES us. US!!!!

And it reminds me of this:

The things we work the hardest for, are the things that we will love the most.

And that is a precious thought.

This is the verse that always comes to mind when I contemplate His ways:

"For God has bound all men over to disobedience so that He may have mercy on them all.

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and

knowledge of God!

How unsearchable His judgments,

and His paths beyond tracing out!

"Who has known the mind of the Lord?

Or who has been His counselor?"

"Who has ever given to God,

that God should repay him?"

For from Him and through Him and to Him are all

things.

To Him be the glory forever! Amen."

                                                              Romans 11:32-36

It would be so easy to give up on life. Let's face it. Its not easy. But God created us to glorify Him. And in that we can have hope. In Him we can find the joy to live on. In Him, we can always say, "Life is good." In Him, we can always find the strength to admit yesterday, face at tomorrow, and enjoy today.

And that's what I think about when I go outside at night and dance under the stars.

(I took this pic of the moon a couple weeks ago. Isn't it extrodinary!)

What do you think?

Give this a title:


The clock on the mantle ticked, endless, monotonous. Far in the distance, the sound of bells clanging together in disjointed harmony whispered through the dead room. A lone narcissus, withered and brown, lay upon the otherwise bare table. And the sound of weeping filled the emptiness.


And then a sound, creeping, timid, like the broken melody of a lark in the early morning, a song of rejoicing, began to steal through the rooms. The grey mantle lifted. A gentle breeze sifted through the window panes, brushing against the soft petals of the lonely flower. And peace to satisfy the soul settled over the place.


Because I can't think of one. That was an absolutely pointless little two paragraphes I just typed for fun and now I don't know what to do with. So you help me. What do you think I should do with 'em?