Friday, August 23, 2013
Heart strings tugging. Devouring. Pleading.
My head says wait, stop. Take your time.
I am impulsive. I jump into things before I think about them, most of the time. Friendships have been made that had to be broken. Choices have come back to smack me in the face.
Most of the time, I love my impulsiveness. The ability to just ... do. I am such an extrovert. And in a world that is turning introvert - and proud of it - I am beginning to be part of a rarer and rarer breed. I do not fear people. I do not fear what they think of me. I mean, I care. I've gone over that before. But the reflection of that caring came out in my actions, not my personality. While I would seek to do what I thought they wanted, I was still as driven by my hyperactive energy and craziness to stand out.
I feel like an open book. People look at me, and I know they understand what I am thinking. It is unsettling. Nerve-wracking most of the time. I think that is what makes me want to do the unexpected. To catch them off guard.
That impulsive decision to just do...it gets me in messes. I have to clean up life a lot. I say things on impulse that later I realize...I didn't even mean...at least, not in that way.
And there are days when I respond to that inner urging...and I know it was God. He directed that pathway.
Today, I had an urging to share a bit of my heart with a friend. And I do not regret it. It was a God moment.
Now, it's almost midnight. I am sitting here, reflecting my day. Each decision. The reason behind it....wondering. Why? Why did I make that choice or that decision. What will come of this....
This is the time I think. My night lines, I call it. When I drag every tiny detail of my day to mind and ponder...ponder...ponder...........