The Depth

Going back through my archives, it's been interesting to see the different way's I've tried blogging.

There have been random days. Cliché days. Weird days. Story days. And God days.

After each of them, I have discovered my heart has a different reaction.

Actually, I don't know if I want to use that term. "My heart". It is so hollywoodized... It means so many different things. What I am trying to say is not the feel-good-sensory inside of me. It's not the thing that loves or hates. It's the part of me that feels conviction, rejoices, weeps, and forms opinions. That could be my soul. Or my mind too. There is no way to say exactly what it is.

I'm going to call it my Guard.

After posting something at random, I feel stressed. Did people like it? Was it stupid? Purposeless?

Ok, strike questions 2 and 3...

When I post cliché or weird, I am nervous. WHY did I do that? Everybody does that! Who's going to care about this? I just humiliated myself.

Story days tend to bore me. My own writing. My own tales... I'm creative. But unoriginal. Is that possible? I can tell a story. But not in a way to make people laugh. Not with the spark of life necessary to build a punch line.

The only time I can think of my Guard feeling satisfied when I click that "publish" button is God days. When I share what is going on inside me. What is building my faith and teaching me life lessons.

I've been re-surrendering things to God this week. Over the past month, I'd been trying to run things. "Trying" is the right expression. Talk about out of control! It was time to start afresh.

So I gave it all up again.

Funny how we have to do this over and over and over...

"For God has consigned all to disobedience, that he may have mercy on all."

Romans 11:32

Over and over and over again I struggle with my sin. With how I can't beat it. Can't make it go away for good.

And believe it or not, my comfort is in the fact that I can't! Because that sin, those trials, suffering, all of it, forces me on my knees. Makes me go to Him. Pour out my cares.

There is a very old song, one that my mum would sing to me when I was no more the 2 or 3. Cast All Your Cares on Him. I love this song. I still sing it all the time, to remind me that when things are too much, He is there and He wants me to dump them at His feet!

It feels good to get on the right page again. Even if it's stained. I know I'm going to fall again. But that's not depressing. Because I know new lessons are between me and that new page. New opportunities and experiences and blessings and lessons.

I guess I'm not saying I'm only going to post God things. I would love to do that. But I relish the life He gave me too. Instead, I just want to bring Him glory, instead of try to bring the attention to me. Or a worldly pursuit.

"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways.

'For who has known the mind of the Lord, 

or who has been his counselor?'

'Or who has given a gift to him 

that He might be repaid?'

For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen."

 

 

Piecing Noni together

About a month ago, I drew Noni from On a String... It's kind of scary, drawing someone you actually know. ;)

Aaaaaand....I decided....sort of....to do something crazy. Well, I was crazy once. This, I think, is just mad hatter.

But whatever.

Let's start over.

Guys, I drew a picture! Of my beautiful friend Noni {I call her by her real name, but most of you know her as Noni}. For fun, I thought it'd be neat to post step by step pictures of how it progressed! You can let me know what you think! ;)



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, there you have it!

 

TTFN ta, ta for now!

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. There is this super giveaway going on at a friends blog. You should seriously check it out. But don't do it. Cause I wanna win. ;)

lol

I guess I should give you the link...

http://jonnigirl96.blogspot.com/2013/11/an-11-12-13-giveaway.html

I'm back, people!!!!!

So, my absence the last few weeks was most certainly NOT volunteered. Our wifi was shut off because of reasons beyond my control and the only way I had to access the web was my mobile device. From which I TRIED to post an update that failed miserably and I never attempted it again.

But, I AM back. We have new wifi. WOOT!! And now that I have missed all the fun, I can join back in the world and start up my own giveaway again and posts and stuff and all the drafts that have been collecting dust in my posts list. {I will finish them all, but I won't spam your blogs feed, don't worry. I'll take it nice and slow.}

Just a few updates since my last post for now, cause I need to head to bed, it's 11:30, I still have to pray and read my Bible, and I'm beat, because soccer season has started now and I had a game tonight.

I am working 4 jobs now. {eeeeek!} They take a LOT of time. Wait, did I say a LOT? I mean a LOOOOOOOOOOOOT of time. :P

Plus, I still teach an independent voice student.

I'm in soccer.

Write.

Hang out with friends.

And do all those menial tasks around the house {such as cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, you know....} that my minions forget...

All in all. Busy.

And fantastic!!!


Here's a few pics, then I'm gonna pop off!

a little dude I drew for my art students

 

 

 

my philosophy in life

 

 

Well. It's good to be back. I've missed you guys!

 

TTFN, ta ta for now!!

 

 

 

 

 



So here's the deal: Giveaway!!!!

This month, I reached 50 followers!!! THANK YOU, amigos!!!!!



SOOOOO....


I decided to give you all something to look forward to.



Oh wait.

You mean, you want to know what it is?

Well, I'll give you a hint.

You will ALL love it. In fact, you'll go crazy over it. Just like you are all going to go crazy over this:

 

 

Ok, so....

 

 



 

 

 

 

GIVEAWAY!!!!!

 

But here's the catch. It starts when my blog has 75 followers.

 

But, just to give you all incentive to get the ball rolling, here are the prizes!!!!!!!! :D

 

 

these will go to one winner



 



 

 

 

this will go to one winner



 

 

 

And the one fandom inspired drawing by yours truly:

 

 

 

 

^^these drawings not available

 

For the drawing, once you have won, I will have you select one picture from a fandom of your choice for me to draw.

 

 

Ok, ya'll!!

 

 

How to enter:

 

 

1: follow my blog {if you have already done this, you will get this point automatically! :D}

 

2: post about the giveaway on your blog. For each time you post, you will get an additional entry.

 

3: add my blog button to your side panel.

 

4: follow me on pinterest {if you already have done this, please let me know, and you will get an extra point!} {here is the link: http://www.pinterest.com/exhilarated/boards/}

 

5: comment on a post of mine from last year.

 

 

Ok! Pretty basic stuffs, right? So, spread the word! Cause it's only gonna happen when I have 75 followers! I know, bit leap. I think it'll happen. I have faith in you, my dears. ;)



 

 





For realz

Ok, put down your drink. Swallow.

Today was a pretty great day. I spent the morning working, as usual. After work, I ran a few errands. Deposited money into my bank account {always a plus to a day, eh? ;)} It was a friend's birthday {Anna, I've mentioned her before!} so I took her out to Golden Corral and we hung out and talked for several hours. That was very fun.

After that I was supposed to go play vball. There weren't enough people so the few of them left headed to Orange Leaf instead. I met them there.

Ok. You did swallow that coffee right? No chocolate in the mouth? Good.

So, they had this board on the back wall of the Orange Leaf counter of *this* guy:

 

  

Can you guess who? Well, that was the test. See, if you did, you got 3oz of frozen yogurt free....

 

I'm all game! Specially since one of my friends had already done it and guessed right.

 

Have you made your guesses already? I knew right off it was an early church leader and book writer. I'd seen that face before. I'd read his work...

 

BUT WHO WAS IT???????

 

Took me five minutes of silence, watching my friends play checkers, scrambling my mind. At first, I thought, it's Charles Spurgeon. But he looks WAY different. I couldn't bring myself to guess that.



 

 

 ^^Charles Spurgeon....

 

 

So yeah, I finally did it. Just blurted out a name. And it was the right one!!!!

 

My friend who had already guessed it {his name is Micah, he's Jonnah and Rae's brother} said, "yep, that's him!!!"

 

Great! Awesome! I just won 3oz of frozen yogurt. Well, we were still waiting on a friend, so we didn't go get our yogurt yet...... Just sat, visited... Then she came in, we talked some more. We also asked her if she could guess who it was! She thought for a little bit, but didn't figure it out.

 

I filled my Orange Leaf cup with Orange and Pineapple frozen yogurt, strawberries, raspberries, and kiwi. Went up the pay.

 

My friend who came in late asked me, "ok, so who is it!!"

 

And I stared at her.

 

And stared at her.

 

And licked my lips.

 

Yum...that frozen yogurt looked good.

 

 

My mind went completely blank. Like, literally, it was empty. You know, TEN SECONDS EARLIER I KNEW WHO THAT MAN WAS.

 

Yep, it was gone. I stood there, in front of my friends.

 

And laughed. And laughed again....

 

It was gone.

 

My oh me..... the cashier asked me if I wanted clues. I said, "NOOOOO, I KNOW WHO IT IS!!!" She gave me the first letter of the first and last name anyways. Nothing. Yikes, I was in deep waters. I even shouted Charles' name to the world. Even though I knew it wasn't him. Yeah. LOL. I kept laughing.

 

About 3 minutes later, it came back.

 

John Calvin.

 

Yep. The man one of the churches we visited for about a year was absolutely OBSESSED with. The man I've read about in history for years. The man who has several books that I have read....

 

Wow.

 

No, I was NOT born blonde.

 

Ok, you can go back to drinking your coffee and eating your chocolate.

 

Only I'd much rather have raspberry {or MINT!!} tea and a good bowl of fruit. :D

 

 



 

To be honest...

When I was a kiddo, I struggled with lying. Protecting myself against accusation, pain, the stuff I'd done wrong.

You know.


WHO ate the last piece of candy?

Why is that dirty?

How come the -- is gone?


Well, whatever it was...it wasn't me.

I guess you could say it was my greatest fear, to be found in the wrong.

Anyhow, I had to learn the hard way a lot of times that lying doesn't pay. You will be found out and yikes, when you are, it's nooooooooo fun. :P

So, just a reminder, because even now, I have to stop to keep the old habit from coming back, to be honest. Always.

Ok, new topic. ;)

A drawing!! I did this one a long time back {well, July, anyways}. But I forgot to post it, so I figured I would now!!





That one was for my lovely friend Grace!!!! The letters went crooked... :P She put it up in her office. :D She works for a missions that travels worldwide!!!

Ok. And then I did this one last month. For my friend Jonnah! The camera did some bizarre things with it when I took the pic...but oh well. ;)



Life's been pretty crazy. A lot of soccer. Volleyball. Good talks with friends. People getting married. Engaged. Having babies. You know. Life. Crazy. Yeah.

Anyhow, I'm in the mood for a laugh. :D


So laugh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ta ta lovelies!!

 

 

 



night lines

Heart strings tugging. Devouring. Pleading.

My head says wait, stop. Take your time.


I am impulsive. I jump into things before I think about them, most of the time. Friendships have been made that had to be broken. Choices have come back to smack me in the face.

Most of the time, I love my impulsiveness. The ability to just ... do. I am such an extrovert. And in a world that is turning introvert - and proud of it - I am beginning to be part of a rarer and rarer breed. I do not fear people. I do not fear what they think of me. I mean, I care. I've gone over that before. But the reflection of that caring came out in my actions, not my personality. While I would seek to do what I thought they wanted, I was still as driven by my hyperactive energy and craziness to stand out.

I feel like an open book. People look at me, and I know they understand what I am thinking. It is unsettling. Nerve-wracking most of the time. I think that is what makes me want to do the unexpected. To catch them off guard.

That impulsive decision to just do...it gets me in messes. I have to clean up life a lot. I say things on impulse that later I realize...I didn't even mean...at least, not in that way.

And there are days when I respond to that inner urging...and I know it was God. He directed that pathway.

Today, I had an urging to share a bit of my heart with a friend. And I do not regret it. It was a God moment.

Now, it's almost midnight. I am sitting here, reflecting my day. Each decision. The reason behind it....wondering. Why? Why did I make that choice or that decision. What will come of this....

This is the time I think. My night lines, I call it. When I drag every tiny detail of my day to mind and ponder...ponder...ponder...........

When I Stare at the Sky

Once upon a time, I looked at the world with rose colored glasses. Everything was beautiful.

 

And then one day, someone took them off.

 

I saw ugliness. Cruelty. Pain.

 

I understood despair.

 

Do you ever just sit and imagine perfection of life? That feeling of security. Dependence. Peace. A wash of ultimate harmony. Beauty. All of it. Real.



When I was a child, I lived in this place. This perfection. I found everything simple. Glorious. It's not that I was ignorant. Or unaware. I chose to see a side of life that was far from the destruction of sin.

 

I'm not sure if that was necessarily a good or bad thing. I did not see the flaws in other people. I did not judge. But I did not see the heart of wickedness. The destruction of friendship through disloyalty and jealousy. I expected people to be good. And we are not.

That moment, when my eyes were opened to the real world, I was grieved. Deep down in my soul. Pain welled up. Overpowered. Tore me to pieces. I couldn't believe it. My perfect world. Nothing but a mist of shadows, a vapor of dreams...

 

I wept. For the world that was not. The world I saw could be. And watched disappear.

 

I asked my Daddy why, why God did not just sweep us up right off to Heaven. Why leave us here to suffer? When He is all knowing, why make us wade through this giant mess we call life?

 

My Dad sat me down on the couch. He looked me straight in the eye. And said, "If we do not understand sin, we cannot understand forgiveness. If we do not understand hate, the power of love is lost."

"For God has bound all men over to disobedience, that He may have mercy on them all." Romans 11:32. 

Once upon a time, there was perfection. In the garden of Eden. But God gave man a choice. He allowed corruption to infiltrate the world. So that He can show us His infinite grace...mercy...forgiveness....love.

 

There will always be the pain of failure. We will always mess up. We have been bound to it.

 

So that God can have mercy on us.

 

But it doesn't end there. If you accept that mercy. Plead for that forgiveness. Welcome that love...you will die to this corrupt flesh and rise again a new being in Christ! You will find eternity in perfection, in Heaven, the home of God's creation.

And it will be perfect.



Sometimes I still stare at the sky. I still wish things were perfect. That I wouldn't have to wonder. Feel this pain. Confusion. Humiliation. Sorrow.

But I know they are teaching me. Defining me. Refining me. For His power. And one day, perfection will come.