Friday, February 22, 2013

Hold Fast


My heart longs for many things. Most of them I keep hidden away out of a desire to keep them sacred, and safe.

I have a heart for the broken. I want to rescue the lost. I want to treasure the forsaken.

And I find myself held back by so many things.

People don't understand. People look at the outward. They look at behaviors, faces, cloths... they don't see the broken souls beneath awkward fa├žades. They overlook, I can only hope unintentionally, the screaming hearts, begging for acceptance and a simple act of love.

I want to bring that love.





It's a soft spot of mine. I've always liked the misfortunates. The misfits and needy. The little one surrounded by big ones.

Because I want to give them hope. I want to make them smile and see the good in the world. I want them to see that not everyone is indifferent. And even though they pretend they are fine, I can see the hurt, and I care.




And then my heart breaks because I cannot do it. I cannot bear the weight for everyone. I cannot love every lost stranger. I cannot comfort every silent cry.

I am a dreamer. I imagine the world as it was meant to be: perfect. With God walking among us and trees green and blossoms floating from the sky and birds perched on fingertips. And I can't wait until heaven.

I don't mean that morbidly. Seriously, I just cannot wait to be through. To see God face to face. To know Him and talk to Him and be with Him. And to know only love. See only peace. Hear only song.

It will be paradise. Utopia. My Neverland.

Heaven.

So for now I listen to the cries. I glance around at the faces. And I send a prayer after each one, hoping it will not be lost. God loves us all, even the lowest, the least loved.

Sometimes, it is not those that seem to need love, that seem to be lost, that seem to be frayed at the edges, that need love the most. Sometimes it's the girl with the deepest dimples on her face, the boy who could chatter the hind leg off a mule, the kid with the biggest grin...

Sometimes they just need a soft hand, someone to truly listen, someone to care. Because they are hiding the hurt, the insecurity, the pain, deep in their spirit.





I want to care.

I just don't know how.

So that's why I pray. And hold fast to a promise.

"I will never leave you nor forsake you."

11 comments:

  1. wow, cait, this. <3 was beautiful. YOU are beautiful. ^_^

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  2. I love this! :) You most certainly share His heart. He will use you powerfully, I believe it! <3

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    1. I hope so!!! With you at my side, I don't doubt it. :D <3

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  3. oh Caitria! :D This is so wonderful! I love you. :) You are such an encouragement to me. You constantly share God's love with everyone around you and it's such a blessing. Thank you for being such an example for me! <3 <3 <3
    xx

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    1. Awwww, thank you, Rachel!!! You fill my life with so much sparkle! I'm so glad you are my friend. Wow. I pray I continue to be so! <3 <3 <3

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  4. Oh wow. That was amazing!! I love your sweet heart, Caitria!!! <3<3<3 You are an INCREDIBLE lady who truly has the spirit of the Lord!!! :) Love you, girly!!

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    1. And I love yours!!! Thank you so much... You girl's are so kind. Love you too!!! :D

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  5. Hey!!! I am glad you found my blog cause I am loving yours too :)) You seem like such an awesome person and I am inspired by you!!! It can be *so* hard to love others sometimes, especially if they don't treat you well. Thank you for the inspiration to love more :)

    And YES! I'd love to do the interview! We don't have to wait to get to know each other... afterall, asking questions is a good way to do that :) How's about you send me an email and we'll discuss the details?! :D darkyetlovely39@gmail.com

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    1. Oooooh!!! Excited shivers! Yes...

      Awesome! I sure will!! This is exciting! :D Haha, very true. Will do! My real name is Caitria Cymbaluk. ;) Just in case you are confused by the pen name. I'll make sure to clarify in the email too. :D Can't wait!

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I'm sincerely wondering if you are going to comment. Given you just read that blog post (or maybe skim read, at best, or maybe you've just skipped to the bottom). But, either way, whether you read it or not, NOW you have no doubt that I am crazy, are wondering if I am worthy of your time, and if it even matters that you say something. BUT, it does!!! Drop me a line! Can't tell you I will always respond coherently, but I WILL respond! And the comments... Well, they rather make my days. <3